Well, I'm here, it's 4:30, it's Saturday night, and I have 1 hour to go. I've managed to catch up several months of Ctrl-Alt-Delete during this time and now I am completely caught up. Can't really think of anyone to talk to; other than the new addition to the staff; but I'm all paranoid, as I couldn't talk with her earlier I'm worried I weirded her out from today. Whatever. I get the feeling I do that to everyone lately. I'm wishing I could go out for one last smoke.... Probably a bit too much break time today, but then it is quarter to 5 on Saturday night. For some reason I feel totally unmotivated to check anything out on the 'net, but it could be that I've been without access for so long that I'm drawing a blank for stuff to check out. Thank goodness for MP3s...

I get the sense that I am getting really weird for people to deal with; which is sort of what I got as a warning from the 'rents about being out of a normal life for so long. Of course it could just be my paranoia, which as everyone knows tends to stretch to extremes....

Grr lookes like they blocked out my LJ friends' page; I can't access it. Feel like I blew last two calls, but what can I do. I'm going to get out of here.

Fuck. I don't even know how to begin describing what a trip through hell today has been. I'm supposed to be taking calls, but I've hit the limit on what I can take; I've had it. I don't even know why I'm holding on to this job. No wait--I do. It's probably the only decent employer in town that would put up with this many problems and issues for one particular employee.

But that is the only reason. I am exhausted, burned out, and so pushed past my limits that I'm hanging on hold until I can get my self together and do a half-assed good job.

*Insert string of expletives here*

I am getting ridiculously overweight; and I never find time to fit in exercise, because I'm always staying late to try and catch up on things and *try,* and here I'll say *try* because I'm not even really managing that--to at least do the minimum required for my job.

I honestly would like to cry right now. Of course I have lots of self control, and don't want to break down. Funny enough, at this point I think it could only help my case. Either way it's not happening. Although I must say I wouldn't mind the opportunity.

Somehow I'm going to survive the next 10 min, and then like it or not, I'm going to change into my gym wear and at least get in a half-assed workout.

The shitter is that although I probably could desperately use it right now, my disability has run out, and I no longer have that option. So somehow I have to make it, despite my wanting to quit my job almost every day that I am here. Certainly it would be nice to just let go and say "You know what, fuck it all..." and flush it down the toilet. But then as I know myself I would just run into another downward spiral; which of course I can also not afford.

I would just *love* to go home and get drunk past all human comprehension; and screw the coming day. If I had the bottle of Jack's at my desk, I would be seriously considering it an option right now.

UPDATE: Well I dragged my ass into the gym here at work and got a bit of time on the cardio bike machine. Feeling better but still not great. Going home now.

Up until today I was all stoked about the new DS release for the Dragon Quest IV remake, thinking it was out already. Unfortunately, despite me revving into hard-core DQ want-to-play mode, I found out it only comes out in September. So now my new DQ desktop seems out of place. Well I guess I still have Final Fantasy XII to play, among some other games I picked up recently, still all for PS2. But hey, there were a lot I never played, so it's cool to finally have the chance.

Well, looks like it's time to go home. It's strange updating my LJ, as I haven't in quite some time; guess I'll have to get back in the groove.

So it's been ages since I updated my LJ, and I don't have too much exciting to do during my lunch, so I'm doing that. Well, lots has happened since I last updated, don't even know how long ago that was, now... I am back at work after being out for 2 weeks with a combination bad flu and bronchial infection. Since I hadn't been so stable before I came back, I am only doing half days this week, which has been nice, and a great help, as I have had a *lot* to do over the last few days. It's very nice that progress has been made on some fronts. I must say, though, that I lament losing the half days in terms of having free time. This however doesn't mean that I'm not looking forward to having a full workday and the extra pay; it's just the part about having less free time that kind of sucks. Oh well, at least this coming week I'm still on only 3 full days, following week full time. It's a bit agressive, but necessary as I missed 2 full weeks again being sick.

Today at work has been fantastic, as there have been very few calls. It has given me a chance to catch up on my existing clients, so that has been very cool.

UPDATE: Got pretty busy and I'm now done for the day, so I'm signing off. I will try to update from work again soon. How's everyone?

I've added a couple of dating/social apps to my FB account. I'm not sure what will come of it, if anything, but I figured why the hell not. Am I ideally suited to be dating right now? No. But at the same time, I may as well put myself out there and see what happens. I'm still wanting to check out EHarmony, but it has to wait until I get my finances in order. Also I'm thinking of putting up a profile on PlentyOfFish.com. Why the hell not?

As it is now 6:00, I'm going to go upstairs and make some supper. God I can't wait until I have a working computer with 'net connection in my room. I have taken out almost every concievable recent book from the central library on troubleshooting and repairing a computer, so hopefully I'll be able to cobble something together with what I have right now. Hopefully there is enough functioning stuff in that huge pile of old computer junk...

So to let everyone know, I've lost some interest in LJ versus facebook; so if everyone wonders where I am, I'm probably on FB when I'm on the 'net these days. It's just so addictive. I'm communicating with people I haven't talked to in quite awhile, and going crazy adding apps and getting music videos from YouTube. I will still be updating my LJ, just not as often. These days I am still without a working computer or internet in my place, so I'm still using the landlady's computer. Shit...looks like I gotta get to work, will try to continue/update later...

Caffeine is bleeding its way out of my system... I'm burning out hardcore... Also I now need to come up with rent for my landlord, because I won't get my benefit from my benefit provider for another few days... I am freaking out... I don't need this stress right now!!!

So I went out with some NT friends yesterday to the Drum and Monkey, and I had an awesome time!!! I need to get out with my coworkers more often!! I've spend most of the day on Facebook, my new favorite addiction, and not really doing any of the stuff I'm *supposed* to do... I'm looking forward to the evening out tonight with my coworkers in the NETELLER 'German' group... Hopefully tomorrow I'll get the stuff done that I absolutely need to; despite tomorrow being bad for transit... Maybe I can persuade Fred to help me do some of the running around; and it would give me a chance to catch up with him, as I have been brutally remiss with this lately... I want to spend more time talking politics/history/philosophy with him, but life/me always seems to screw with me being able to visit... I think this will get better once I get more on top of things with my life... It certainly helps to be happy with my life by gettting out more, working on personal projects, and just having a good time!! I think I desperately need it!! Yesterday I was depressed beyond all comprehension before I went out with everyone...so it would seem really obvious... Gotta run, landlady is home!!!

All of a sudden I can't do anything like send messages and write on my own wall (or anyone else's) on my Facebook acccount. Does anyone know what could cause that problem? Is it browser settings? Is it Facebook itself?

Weird thing I noticed today. Woke up at 6:30 (grrr) as usual, and had breakfast and got started with my day. Of course this also means the usual crazy amount of coffee. I really like the energy boost from it, but I always feel tired and burned out afterwards. So I'm getting hungry around 9:30 I guess, and I have the idea to get a snack. I had just browsed through a book on nutrition I had, and thought instead of the usual things I grab, to have a small tin of Ocean's pink salmon. I felt really rejuvenated! Now I'm a bit weird in that when I cook vegetables (expecially since I don't have a steamer right now...), I boil them in water, and save the water to drink. The idea is to get all the nutrients that transfer to the water during the cooking process, and get as much good stuff as possible. It always works and feels great, so I thought I would use the same principle with the salmon. I'm probably one of the few people who will eat salmon out of a can in the first place, but up until recently I always drained out the water in the tin. This time, I drank the stuff, and wow! I felt extra-rejuvenated and much, much, much better! I suspect now that I need to supplement my diet with either food or possibly supplements containing fish oils. This also ties in nicely to my strong craving for tinned herring, and how it almost always makes me feel a lot better. Of course, I'm really picky about tinned herring, because to be quite honest, what I find in most grocery stores tastes like total shit. So far only Superstore carries the Richter brand, which tastes good, and I find has the most positive health benefit. I'm thinking once I have some cash at the end of the month, I'll go pick some up to eat en masse, every week. They are expensive, but I think it would be a good idea. Also, I'm thinking about checking out information on the 'net, and where else I can, on fish oils. I wonder what I'm going to dig up. Time to hit google.

I am so goddamn tired. 2 pots of coffee and I'm struggling to keep my mood good/level. Going to ride to Brentwood on my bike to get a haircut, and meet Paul to drop off some software I have to return to him and catch up on God knows how much stuff... God I need to get some good sleep. >_

It has taken me close to an hour to locate a certain major office supply store with the item that I am looking for, over the phone. I called probably 6 locations before someone was able to help me. I am really annoyed. This is closer to a gong show than good customer service. What a nightmare. Now I'm going to get ready and take the bus. I am so fucking happy I could scream. What a day.

I was totally wired from planning and doing stuff late into the evening, drinking coffee, so I had a hard time getting to sleep; so I wound up sleeping late, and waking up early. *_* Why do I have to wake up every day at 5:30, and then again at 7:00? Even when I want to sleep in? Grrr. I really should start using the employee gym at work, and see if I can afford to start taking liquid calcium again. That would solve the sleep problems, as long as I don't go crazy, although I should really check the web for advice on how to start a healthy workout regime without going to extremes. At first I was thinking I should solve the eating properly thing first, but the exercise will force me to get cooking better fast, and improve my overall well-being, so it should be a good thing. I totally need to get an apointment with a GP and check up on my health, and ask my questions. I forgot how nice it is to update a journal for my overall thought processes. I should get into doing it every day when the landlady is out, and eventually, at work. Many, many, things to work on.

Better get ready to do emergency *shiver* food shopping. I really, really, really want a gameshark for my PS2 for DW7. But money is very tight. Dammit.

Work is going well. (YES!!!!! We are talking touchdown dance YES!!! here.) Finances and the rest of my life is a mess, but I'm working through it. But the main thing is the work is working. Get that right, and there's plenty of time to devote to the other stuff. I am really stressed, but I am also very happy about getting back to work and doing well with it. Now it's just a matter of time and some application.... Time to get food, dig into some Dragon Warrior VII, back episodes of Star Trek: Enterprise, and some emergency budgeting. Did I mention how good it feels to drink coffee again, particularly when stressed, and the expectations are not unreasonable? I'm going to veer away from some sort of victory post, as in past it didn't usually result in victory and thus was not accurate, but I'll say things are going good, and if I keep at it, things will get even better. =-)

(Now if only I can figure out a way to get my computer system working...I have a lot of raw parts, Ie. cases and some possibly better motherboards, but I fear plugging my original harddrives into the 'new' system as they are infected with malware...I'm thinking the solution is to get a wireless card so I can run a web-based malware removal software, putting it all together at once... I really want not to lose all the data on the drive by just doing a straight reinstall and reformat... Unless I can try to get XP to 'fix' the corrupted harddrives by doing a 'fix' install... Better check my old posts to the computer help communities here on LJ, and see if I need to post anew...but I am seriously digressing here...(can one even say 'digressing'?)

Wow. Spent most of the day clearing snow and doing loads of laundry. I dug around for some new communities on LJ and joined, as well as doing some research on Dragon Warrior/Quest emulation and new games. Purged maybe 50% of my old junk yahoo email. Now I'm going to head up and make some supper. I feel like a zombie right now.

Well I went down here to the landlord's suite to check my library card, and it turns out I can't renew anything because my fines have somehow doubled from last time. There is no way I can afford to pay the fines right now. :,(

So that really sucks. Right now I'm just figuring out what I have to do today, but I must say this put a damper on my mood. But I guess I just need to say fuck it. Gotta get other stuff done. Going to contact my vocational rehab lady today, try to get a walk/bike ride in, and keep going with mounds of laundry. I really want to get back into Dragon Warrior or Enterprise episodes, but I think I have to get some stuff done first. I also need to figure out what my employer's address was again, so I can do a run out there on Monday morning to see how long it takes, and to ensure nothing screws up on Tuesday.

Now I think I'm going to drag my ass out and go for a short walk, while I get some house stuff done. Making some progress with things upstairs has made me feel a bit better. Hopefully I get everything done this weekend that I need to. Lots to do. Well, tally-ho! =-P

Feeling tired and burned out today. I was initially planning on going to bed early just because I was totally burned and tired from the last few (more or less) sleepless days, but I got carried away watching the Space NY Eve marathon. I just couldn't turn it off after I got into Strange Days and Reign of Fire, so I wound up staying up late anyway. So at least I stayed up, but I'm thinking it might not have been so bad to miss the standard NY eve, as I'm in pretty rough shape right now, and a lot of drinking probably wouldn't have helped the current situation. So whatever. I could sit here and moan about not going and not doing 'anything special' this year, but there's no fucking point. I'm slowly learning to stop sabotaging myself that way. So I cleaned up my place a bit today, watched some very un-satisfying tube, and played some much-more-satisfying Dragon Warrior VII. What can I say? Despite it's being so very primitive, and at points boring, qualities, I still get a huge kick out of it because I'm probably one of the bigger die-hard DW fans. I also was hanging out as usual with the landlord's cat, as per usual.

EDIT: thought I lost this entry due to irritating LL comp, but LJ saved it (I love this feature!!!), so I'm reposting it now.

OK OK I feel bad for the guy. I feel bad posting this. But I swear I have not laughed so hard in a long time. Anyhow; enjoy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IhlERjW0bhw

Well, it seems after going out for a night with my friend last friday, I left my backpack at one of her coworkers' places. I have left I don't know how many messages, but she will not call me back. All I am asking for is a response and some contact info to track the item down. But apparently she is so fucking busy with her visiting BF at the moment (I can only assume), she can't even return my call. Listen! I need my shit! I have all my important stuff in that pack! I called BP and Safeway in Beddington, they had nothing!! Give me a fucking call back!

I'm still really pissed/down about my PC crash. I posted an entry to a computer help community here, so hopefully that will get me some help on what best to do in my situation. I know I can reformat, but I also don't want to lose all my stuff. We'll just have to see if I can figure something out. I am really sick of this shit, and will be ghosting/imaging very regularly from now on. I'm also kind of screwed because my little brother has my XP CD, so I can't use it to get my system started up. GRRRRRRR!

Anyway, enough ranting. I stayed at home this afternoon, to my chagrin, as the repair guy for the stove had to come in and fix it around noon. So I was stuck at home, despite wanting to get a bike ride in, on what looked to be one of the few remaining 'nice' days this season. So I wound up watching Enterprise, playing Dragon Warrior 7, and getting on the comp down here in LL's place. Megan texted me, so it looks like I may be going out later tonight. Which is cool because it is Friday. But for the rest of the weekend I'm going to try to get some more sleep. I'm still feeling exhausted all the time, despite relaxation exercises and taking the Calcium/Magnesium supplement that used to work. I really just need to get some intense exercise. Hopefully soon. I'm off for now.